Wednesday 29 April 2009

Are two hookers always better than one?



I am at the mercy of my readers, so here it goes!

Are two hookers always better than one?

Firstly, lets look at why they are. Obviously, two hookers allow for one to complete a common male fantasy, the manage a trois. Another benefit also being that you can get the housework done twice a fast with an extra set of hands. If one employs two hookers there is an increased chance that one will be attractive enough to get the result wanted.

However, there are negatives. Twice the hookers, twice the price (even with economies of scale discounts). With the contemporary credit crunch even the most unconsciencious of punters are forced to bear this in mind. Another key negative is you are twice as likely to contract and unfortunate illness. Considering the implications one has to reassess the risk of doubling up.

So on reflection, i believe, two hookers are NOT always better than one.

I hope that answers your question sufficiently Nobby.

TO

Monday 27 April 2009

Do Girls Synchronize Periods? - Typical Male Conversation

The title makes this post obvious...i'll the let the video do the talking:



TO

Sunday 26 April 2009

Revenge is Sweet



There has been a battle raging.

Let me set the scene, Thursday night i was abandoned by 3 of my friends, they left me in town and all went home in a taxi together.

In return i Facebook raped our very own Dick Whittington. This didnt go down well and that very afternoon chaos ensued:



TO

Saturday 25 April 2009

SCFC


Just a celebratory update to thank Stockport County FC for an entertaining season, i now have my Season Ticket for next year...get down and support the club!

Dun dun der dun Ol-i John-son!

TO

Tuesday 21 April 2009

Journey to Self-Discovery

I often find myself wiki-surfing. Just sitting there sponging information from Wikipedia and going through links from page to page filling in gaps of my knowledge that I've always wanted to discover.

When combined with my inane complex which dictates i over think everything including myself and my personality this means I get overly excited when i find psychological terms for what i think describes me.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Superiority_complex

"Superiority complex refers to a subconscious neurotic mechanism of compensation developed by the individual as a result of feelings of inferiority. The feelings of inferiority in this specific complex are often brought on by real or perceived social rejection."

All my life i have been told by people, "when i first met you i thought you were an arrogant dick but now i think you're one of the nicest guys a know."

Literally around 30-40 have said that to me. All i could think was where am i going wrong? Then i read this:

"Those exhibiting the superiority complex commonly project their feelings of inferiority onto others whom they perceive as lesser, possibly for the same reasons for which they themselves may have been ostracized. Accusations of arrogance and cockiness can be made by others when referring to an individual exhibiting a superiority complex."
This at first appears to be contradictory. I urge you to imagine an overweight child who is teased for this at school but then matures into a lean adult. This person is likely to show their body off as they want to prove they are no longer what they have been teased for in the past and want recognition. Depending on your knowledge of the person you would either be happy for them or you would think they were arrogant. I guess this is the same situation. Many people spend childhood feeling unconfident and different, only to mature and find themselves and their status.

I guess the moral of the story is that the old adage that one should 'never judge a book by its cover' is true. There are always reasons people act in ways that seem incomprehensible. I am completely unaware that I come across as arrogant, i just felt confident in my own abilities but never at the cost of someone else. At the end of the day we can't see ourselves on a television screen and see how we behave and while it may be obvious to a person watching, we as individuals, may not see it within ourselves.

I have learned recently that patience is indeed a virtue and it is far more rewarding to let things grow and develop before jumping into something, be it an argument, relationship or life changing decision, feet first. Just try to be happy as we can never tell how long something will last.

TO

Sunday 19 April 2009

Andy Barlows Blue and White Army!


There are many grudge matches in football. Rangers/Celtic. City/United. Fergie/Wenger. Berbatov/Goals. However, although Disley 2nd's FC is our derby game, there is nothing quite like D&C Atheltic versus Richmond Rovers.

Richmond Rovers consists of smarmy little Poynton HS kids who play open age and then complain that they are smaller than all the other teams. Basically, they are whiny little diving bastards and nothing gives us/me more joy that wiping the little smirks of their faces before sending them home to mummy for dindins.

It all started when they snatched a draw from us with a soft last minute header back in December giving us all the worst Christmas presents ever.

Today however, was our turn to run onto the pitch and celebrate.....a draw! If you saw the first half then you would be happy for us too. They took a 2-0 lead with minutes of kick off and it remained that way till the half.

Majorly pissed off, imagine how we feel when the two snotty nosed 17 year old's start giving veterans central defenders like Me and Gare Bear abuse.

Elbows fly. Bodies crumble. Ankles crunch (mine...). Children cry (them...).

The Athletic came roaring back to life (thanks NWF for that one!) and the 2nd half is was more promising. Dick got bored in goals and took it out on their strikers every time they kicked the ball a little bit too far forward and was lucky not to get booked. Felix managed to get a goal back by repeatedly kicking their keeper until he pushed the ball free and calmly slotted it home. A free kick from the sideline was whipped in by Middle Sherman and even though Dick came up to try to steal the glory Bluesy manages to nod it home over their fat and terrible goalkeeper.

Cue retaliation. The ever professional manager of D&C runs in front of the Richmond Tarts sideline celebrating the whole way!

This is the beautiful game after all.

Seeing as we don't film our own games (i've requested many times) it looked something like this:



TO

Wednesday 15 April 2009

The Blind Side

I have been reading a book by Michael Lewis called "The Blind Side: Evolution of a Game". I wanted to share this because as most will know I follow American Football and it is a passion of mine.

This book charters the story of Michael Oher (pronounced 'oar'), who went from a 7 year old child of a drug addict mother who had no home to a 22 year old man, who in the next week is about to enter the National Football League (NFL), and a massive payday of around $20,000,000. This is a Hollywood fairytale, one that actually occurred.

When he first started at Briarcrest High School aged 16 he had a 0.4 GPA (around Year 3 intelligence in the UK) and nobody thought he would amount to anything. In the last few months he graduated from the University of Mississippi with a degree is Criminal Justice and a job as an Offensive Lineman in the NFL on millions of dollars.

Here's a short video explaining what happened if you don't want to read the book (it may make you cry :D ):





TO

Tuesday 14 April 2009

Dating+TO=Stress


What is the most stressful experience in life?

Some suggest moving house, some say a first pregnancy and others propagate that the first day of a new job is height of the adrenaline production process named stress.

I have discovered recently that I am a lot more laissez-faire that I first realised. I have learned to let things go, and move on. Nevertheless, there are 3 occasions that still managed to get me out of my comfort zone. The first being any occasion I talk to a family member. I don't know what it is but im programmed to get extremely irate and very quickly when forced to converse with any family member. This happens so often its not worth considersation. The second occasion is shopping, especially supermarkets (i have already written about this - http://toheadspace.blogspot.com/2009/03/supermarket-sweep.html). This leads me to discuss my final Kryptonite...Dating.

Having been in two long term relationships my experience of dating isn't as vast as some, however it is enough to know that its not as fun as should be. To me, dating appears to be an endless list of questions until you feel comfortable enough to not care for the answer. Heres a sample:

  • Where should I take her?
  • What should I wear?
  • What do I say?
  • How can I impress?
  • What if I don't like her and she likes me?
  • What if i get aroused?
Okay so the last one is silly (we all know what should happen) but the rest are valid and only seem to bare more and more questions until one ends up questioning the fact one is questioning. As highlighted in previous posts, Women don't make it easy. They don't even hint towards answering any of these questions swirling around the brain. In fact, I think some sadist part of the female psyche really enjoys seeing men squirm. Actually, make that i'm certain they enjoy it.

I guess this is why men seem to prosper more when they seem to not care about the outcome at all. Is this the key? Is the "treat em' mean keep em' keen" addage true? Who knows. I do know that it can't be faked. Those that find themselves in the situation above could never put themselves in a situation where the outcome didnt concern them.

So there's no cure for me. No easy road. I'm going to have to worrying myself until i worry about worrying. Just need to find a date now...wow...thats another story for another day.

TO

Thursday 9 April 2009

Knowsley Safari Park!

Our Easter road trip came down to a choice between Chester Zoo and Knowsley Safari Park. But as you will find out, the monkey enclosure sold it to us...(there are around 10 videos so bare with me but trust me these were whittled down from around 35, so they had to be special to make the cut!)

On arrival we were greeted to a Jurrasic Park like entrance and were instantly attacked!:



After about a 30minute wait we finally found some animals mating:



We then made our way into HELL:



A monkey got a little excited by the pure non diluted wiper fluid and decided to drink it, leaving a milky white substance round his lips....(take it away Gareth):



They then started fighting and smearing Monkey faeces EVERYWHERE!:



The damage was now evident and Gareth seemed to be obsessed with the Camel...:



But then Adam seemed attracted to an animal and competing with another car for its attention:



And on the way back it seemed we had an animal in the back instead of Adam:



So as you can see a thoroughly entertaining day...but my car is now broke, they tried to steal my trims, there are deep scratches in all the windows and after two washes there are still poo stains all over!

TO

Wednesday 8 April 2009

Single Lads (Put A Pint In It)

Now we all know that Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It) has become the anthem for single women and they act like as males we automatically don't care about the relationship just gone, which is neither fair nor true. But meh!

The only difference being we have to put up with a whiny Akon and ringtone rapper Flo-Rida. But i guess its a step in the right direction and a pretty catchy one at that!

With this in mind its time for Lads to have their own version, I bring to you Flo-Rida (feat. Akon) - Available:

Sunday 5 April 2009

What Men Want?

As an alternative to the previous post i thought i would delve into this complex issue...What men want? I should start by clarifying that i am not interested for personal reasons but for sociological ones, despite a well countered smear campaign by members of my high school i am in fact straight!

But this doesn't mean that i should not ponder this question. I have the valuable insight of having a number of close male friends who dont mind me filming their regular activities! One of such makes no sense:




As you can see, Men are easily pleased. Laughter fills the air when women are not around. Maybe this is the number one thing that Men look for. A girl who can share in these precious moments, these moments where there is no poverty, hatred or evil. Where all Humans are equal in laughter and bullying.

But how do you find these girls?

My friends believe there is an ultimate test....ask the lady in question; "If you can have any extra body part, what would it be and why?".

Obviously, Men can tell a lot about a girl by the reply. Although, what this is depends on the girl, the answer and the guy.

Adam's favourite response?! (Let me say now its worth watching till the end!)



:D

Men want anything, Women don't know what they want. Simple. :S

TO

Friday 3 April 2009

What Women Want?

This question has been pondered by some of the greatest thinkers of our time. Aristotle, Plato & Ron Burgundy have all been known to spend vast amounts of time trying to unlock the female psyche with such thoughts as:

Ron Burgundy: Everyone just relax, all right? Believe me, if there's one thing Ron Burgundy knows, it's women.

Brian Fantana: I don't know, Ron.

Ron Burgundy: Guess what, I do. I know that one day Veronica and I are gonna to get married on top of a mountain, and there's going to be flutes playing and trombones and flowers and garlands of fresh herbs. And we will dance till the sun rises. And then our children will form a family band. And we will tour the countryside and you won't be invited.

As you can see this is no easy feat...confusion ensues...what do i wear? what do i say? should i be drunk and easy going? or will that lead to me saying the wrong thing or vomiting on her shoes?

For female readers here is an insight into a typical male conversation:



As you can see there isn't any enlightenment there. However if you go straight to the horses mouth (so to speak), Women themselves can't answer this question. As said in the great film 'Hitch'; "Women get in their own way of happyness".

In conclusion, there is no answer. Not even women themselves know what they want, therefore, this is an impossible notion to expect a man to understand or even guess what women want. The only thing i can think that comes close to answering this question is: Not me!

TO

Thursday 2 April 2009

Adams Corner #1 - 2009 and Friendships

Written by Adam Cummins

(the content of which represents the view of the author and TO accepts no responsibility for what is published.)

2009, the year of the Ox has been a memorable year for myself. It’s been a new and challenging experience, new job, new marital status for the first time in...Well I didn’t have a beard back then I know that.

It has been the most enjoyable few months I’ve had in a long time, I have found a new sense of freedom and maturity (and a little more immaturity) through work and being able to spend more time with TO, 'Bear' and 'Nightwear'. I have met many new faces, some good, some bad and some very ugly. I have learned many things about myself through change, something I’m not a big fan of. I have learned to not hold grudges, don’t let anything hold you back or get in your way and too enjoy everyday (and night) as they come, because life is really boring without a hangover. The one thing that I have learned above everything else is the value of friendship, Bro’s certainly come before Ho’s! I have realised no matter how fun girlfriends etc can be, one can never have as much fun as one can with ones closest chums; take our videos for example. At the time when we have been the loneliest of all we have also become the happiest. (Editor - I agree!)

“The better part of one's life consists of his friendships."
Abraham Lincoln

That’s enough cheese for one year I think, from next week I will be back to my old self. I won’t be serious, I will talk even more pointless tripe that sounds good in my head and I will be ripping in to my friends.

Adios mis amigos

Adam

**********

Predator League - 02/04/09

Locomotive Dick - 0points
Bearcelona - 0points
TO Roar - 0points
Nightwear Fire - 0points

Wednesday 1 April 2009

The Day After Tomorrow...

Even the most confident can be fearful of the ever approaching summer. As someone that often doesn't care what others make of my misdemeanors, ironically this also true of myself. The thought of going away or even going to the park terrifies the very soul of an average 20 year old like me.

Now, I consider myself to be in pretty good shape fitness wise despite a list of injuries as long as Schindler's List. I play football competitively twice a week and work out and jog another once a week. (I should state that the time between these occurrences is spent whelping in pain, aching to my very core). The problem being I also treat myself a lot and alcohol is NOT calorie free. Call me a work in progress... i will be undergoing a strict regime with my personal trainer ('Dick') and mixing exercise and health foods with not eating, cocaine and forcibly vomiting like the 'pros' do it (thanks for the tips Naomi Campbell).

This still doesn't change the fact that when you visit the park or the beach there are numerous lads there playing football in skins who haven't yet found the joy of Amber Nectar and there are the Dad's who don't care what they look like. But for the average 20 year old, you are at that age where you are stuck in the middle, you care but you have to work HARD to stay in shape!

I guess my point is...the time has come to start training for those summer months, start earlier, switch that Beer for a spirit and diet mixer (less calories :D), start walking short journeys and grab the shopping for your mum/missus.

Slow and steady wins the race...unless its a sprint...but its not...if you start now.

TO