Tuesday, 23 March 2010
While riding the bus the home from University yesterday, I happened to bump into the goalscoring 'hero' from yesterdays not-so-local Premiership derby between Irish London United and Calmdownpool FC. He was kind enough to give an exclusive interview to TO's Headspace.
After an anonymous schoolboy scored for Calmdownpool, the game looked to be heading for the shock of the afternoon.
However, United's training with Olympic hopeful Tom Daley has clearly paid of and when Zaragoza saw his chance he went for his best efforts to wow the judges. Straight 10's from Howard Webb and a penalty as a reward. Shrek did his best to help his fellow scousers (irony completely wasted on the geographically retarded Cockneys anti-scouser chants).
This left it up to our South Korean hero, Pirk Ja-Song, to head home the winner at New Trafford (!) and the newspapers applauded.
TO: Hi, thanks for doing this interview! Do you often ride the bus?!
P J-S: Hey, it is cool. I get bus all time, me not like spend money flash cars.
TO: Ahh, thats refreshing to see. How do you feel after scoring the winner yesterday? How was the feeling in the changing rooms?
P J-S: There is no feeling in the dressing room, we are married and like women. This is not Chelsea.
TO: Oh sorry...you don't often start for Irish London, do you feel you've done enough to warrant a starting position?
P J-S: I am under no allusion. I am here to play well enough to not be hated by fans and start enough games to sell lots of shirts in Korea. I feel I manage this well, however, my people would still rather watch rivals Bulton for Lui Ching-Yung...this make me sad.
TO: Thats a shame, maybe it's the Glazers fault, like everything else?
P J-S: Yes, I think you are correct. They come and buy players, win trophies and reach two champions league finals but they are the devil.
TO: Ok, well this is my stop, I wish you well for the rest of the season.You deserve to be playing more with your non-stop stamina and dogged approach. Good luck.
P J-S: How do you know about the dog....? You are not food standards...? I am not Pirk Ja-Song....I am....Michael MacIntyre....want to hear a joke?....wait.....wait....oh ****
(All names in this article are fiction, the interview didnt happen and all likenesses and people are coincidental and fictional)