Journey to Self-Discovery

I often find myself wiki-surfing. Just sitting there sponging information from Wikipedia and going through links from page to page filling in gaps of my knowledge that I've always wanted to discover.

When combined with my inane complex which dictates i over think everything including myself and my personality this means I get overly excited when i find psychological terms for what i think describes me.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Superiority_complex

"Superiority complex refers to a subconscious neurotic mechanism of compensation developed by the individual as a result of feelings of inferiority. The feelings of inferiority in this specific complex are often brought on by real or perceived social rejection."

All my life i have been told by people, "when i first met you i thought you were an arrogant dick but now i think you're one of the nicest guys a know."

Literally around 30-40 have said that to me. All i could think was where am i going wrong? Then i read this:

"Those exhibiting the superiority complex commonly project their feelings of inferiority onto others whom they perceive as lesser, possibly for the same reasons for which they themselves may have been ostracized. Accusations of arrogance and cockiness can be made by others when referring to an individual exhibiting a superiority complex."

This at first appears to be contradictory. I urge you to imagine an overweight child who is teased for this at school but then matures into a lean adult. This person is likely to show their body off as they want to prove they are no longer what they have been teased for in the past and want recognition. Depending on your knowledge of the person you would either be happy for them or you would think they were arrogant. I guess this is the same situation. Many people spend childhood feeling unconfident and different, only to mature and find themselves and their status.

I guess the moral of the story is that the old adage that one should 'never judge a book by its cover' is true. There are always reasons people act in ways that seem incomprehensible. I am completely unaware that I come across as arrogant, i just felt confident in my own abilities but never at the cost of someone else. At the end of the day we can't see ourselves on a television screen and see how we behave and while it may be obvious to a person watching, we as individuals, may not see it within ourselves.

I have learned recently that patience is indeed a virtue and it is far more rewarding to let things grow and develop before jumping into something, be it an argument, relationship or life changing decision, feet first. Just try to be happy as we can never tell how long something will last.

TO