Interview with Pirk Ja-Song

While riding the bus the home from University yesterday, I happened to bump into the goalscoring 'hero' from yesterdays not-so-local Premiership derby between Irish London United and Calmdownpool FC. He was kind enough to give an exclusive interview to TO's Headspace.

After an anonymous schoolboy scored for Calmdownpool, the game looked to be heading for the shock of the afternoon.

However, United's training with Olympic hopeful Tom Daley has clearly paid of and when Zaragoza saw his chance he went for his best efforts to wow the judges. Straight 10's from Howard Webb and a penalty as a reward. Shrek did his best to help his fellow scousers (irony completely wasted on the geographically retarded Cockneys anti-scouser chants).

This left it up to our South Korean hero, Pirk Ja-Song, to head home the winner at New Trafford (!) and the newspapers applauded.





TO: Hi, thanks for doing this interview! Do you often ride the bus?!

P J-S: Hey, it is cool. I get bus all time, me not like spend money flash cars.
TO: Ahh, thats refreshing to see. How do you feel after scoring the winner yesterday? How was the feeling in the changing rooms?

P J-S: There is no feeling in the dressing room, we are married and like women. This is not Chelsea.
TO: Oh sorry...you don't often start for Irish London, do you feel you've done enough to warrant a starting position?
P J-S: I am under no allusion. I am here to play well enough to not be hated by fans and start enough games to sell lots of shirts in Korea. I feel I manage this well, however, my people would still rather watch rivals Bulton for Lui Ching-Yung...this make me sad.

TO: Thats a shame, maybe it's the Glazers fault, like everything else?
P J-S: Yes, I think you are correct. They come and buy players, win trophies and reach two champions league finals but they are the devil.



(All names in this article are fiction, the interview didnt happen and all likenesses and people are coincidental and fictional)
TO

100 Internet Videos in 3 mins

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Enjoy

TO

Life Flashes By

The last 6 months of my life have honestly been some of the best.

I want to share a reminiscence with you, in thanks, to anyone that has taken the time to read and even more so comment. Thank You.

That's why i'm even more grateful for this blog; it has served to store all these fantastic memories and I now bring you the half way house film.....

The Last 6 Months In Film:



Enjoy?

:)

TO

Film Review: The Hangover

I went to the cinema hearing great things about 'The Hangover' and expecting a lot. I can honestly say i was not disappointed.

Todd Phillips directed another comedy favourite of mine in 'Old School' and this is definitely better. The script delicately balances the line between crude humour and great film making. The soundtrack is of a high standard which ironically is lost because you spend your time laughing at the joke just gone, yet it still manages to have a positive effect.

This movie perfectly taps into the Man-crush/Bromance theme thats in social networks currently and you can't help be feel part of the group and feel involved in this laugh a minute ride. The film is geniunely gripping and while very little happens you want it continue and never end.

The best comedy since Anchorman - 9.0/10

PS. stay for the credits :D

:)

TO

Quickie with TO

I'm off out but I wanted to share this quick preview of Michael McIntyre in Manchester as i'm going to see him later in the year...:



:D

TO

Thai, Blue Tits, Suction Hoover, Breast Augmentation & Threesome of Friends

I feel the first thing i should do is explain the title. I was pointed in the direction of a new piece of software by Nobby Nutkins (his excellent and hilarious blog - http://nobbynutkins.blogspot.com/) that tells me where people have clicked onto my site and where they left to, this excellent program is highly arousing to someone like me and I get excited when i see that people in Florida, Kenya, Sweden, Massachusetts and Canada read my blog.

However, this is slightly short lived when i see that someone from Bayern in Germany found my site using google to search 'Hookers'...(see previous article on such topic). I can only hope this person found my article entertaining and informative...although one wonders whether this is the kind of material he was after, hmmmm.

Anyway, in a shameless attempt to recruit more international traffic i decided to name this topic after harmless things that might provoke such google searches....lets see what happens! And to be fair last night was a little messy and i don't really think there are any words to describe the videos i'm about to post...lets just say Adam had a shocker...must have been the Whisky my mother gave him beforehand.

Theres only 4 really short videos, so give them a watch and PLEASE COMMENT! :D

Bear was very angry, but Adam only wanted to sell himself:



And continued to embarrass himself:



We then reached a takeaway to try and sober him up:



But this only lead to confrontation:



:)

TO

Family BBQ

On a bright day of May my parents offered to invite some of my friends, who you all know and love, round for some BBQ'd food. It was delicious and the weather was gorgeous, we had some excellent banter some of which cant be shown, and some devastating news for Rhian69...:



And then my mother explained the strange words my Grandmother used to say:



Again Man crushes arise and Adam thinks hes a dinosaur:



And then Adam thinks hes a cat:



:)

TO

Adams Corner #2 - Man Crush. OK or Gay?

Another typical male conversation but this talk is led by Mr Adam Cummins Esq. He wanted me to add that any suggestions for readers Man/Woman Crushes should be commented:

**********

Predator League - 10/05/09

Nightwear Fire - 18points
TO Roar - 10points
Bearcelona - 2points
Locomotive Dick - (-)10points (administration)




TO

Are two hookers always better than one?

I am at the mercy of my readers, so here it goes!

Are two hookers always better than one?

Firstly, lets look at why they are. Obviously, two hookers allow for one to complete a common male fantasy, the manage a trois. Another benefit also being that you can get the housework done twice a fast with an extra set of hands. If one employs two hookers there is an increased chance that one will be attractive enough to get the result wanted.

However, there are negatives. Twice the hookers, twice the price (even with economies of scale discounts). With the contemporary credit crunch even the most unconsciencious of punters are forced to bear this in mind. Another key negative is you are twice as likely to contract and unfortunate illness. Considering the implications one has to reassess the risk of doubling up.

So on reflection, i believe, two hookers are NOT always better than one.

I hope that answers your question sufficiently Nobby.

TO

Do Girls Synchronize Periods? - Typical Male Conversation

The title makes this post obvious...i'll the let the video do the talking:



TO

Revenge is Sweet

There has been a battle raging.

Let me set the scene, Thursday night i was abandoned by 3 of my friends, they left me in town and all went home in a taxi together.

In return i Facebook raped our very own Dick Whittington. This didnt go down well and that very afternoon chaos ensued:



TO

Knowsley Safari Park!

Our Easter road trip came down to a choice between Chester Zoo and Knowsley Safari Park. But as you will find out, the monkey enclosure sold it to us...(there are around 10 videos so bare with me but trust me these were whittled down from around 35, so they had to be special to make the cut!)

On arrival we were greeted to a Jurrasic Park like entrance and were instantly attacked!:



After about a 30minute wait we finally found some animals mating:



We then made our way into HELL:



A monkey got a little excited by the pure non diluted wiper fluid and decided to drink it, leaving a milky white substance round his lips....(take it away Gareth):



They then started fighting and smearing Monkey faeces EVERYWHERE!:



The damage was now evident and Gareth seemed to be obsessed with the Camel...:



But then Adam seemed attracted to an animal and competing with another car for its attention:



And on the way back it seemed we had an animal in the back instead of Adam:



So as you can see a thoroughly entertaining day...but my car is now broke, they tried to steal my trims, there are deep scratches in all the windows and after two washes there are still poo stains all over!

TO

What Men Want?

As an alternative to the previous post i thought i would delve into this complex issue...What men want? I should start by clarifying that i am not interested for personal reasons but for sociological ones, despite a well countered smear campaign by members of my high school i am in fact straight!

But this doesn't mean that i should not ponder this question. I have the valuable insight of having a number of close male friends who dont mind me filming their regular activities! One of such makes no sense:




As you can see, Men are easily pleased. Laughter fills the air when women are not around. Maybe this is the number one thing that Men look for. A girl who can share in these precious moments, these moments where there is no poverty, hatred or evil. Where all Humans are equal in laughter and bullying.

But how do you find these girls?

My friends believe there is an ultimate test....ask the lady in question; "If you can have any extra body part, what would it be and why?".

Obviously, Men can tell a lot about a girl by the reply. Although, what this is depends on the girl, the answer and the guy.

Adam's favourite response?! (Let me say now its worth watching till the end!)



:D

Men want anything, Women don't know what they want. Simple. :S

TO

What Women Want?

This question has been pondered by some of the greatest thinkers of our time. Aristotle, Plato & Ron Burgundy have all been known to spend vast amounts of time trying to unlock the female psyche with such thoughts as:

Ron Burgundy: Everyone just relax, all right? Believe me, if there's one thing Ron Burgundy knows, it's women.

Brian Fantana: I don't know, Ron.

Ron Burgundy: Guess what, I do. I know that one day Veronica and I are gonna to get married on top of a mountain, and there's going to be flutes playing and trombones and flowers and garlands of fresh herbs. And we will dance till the sun rises. And then our children will form a family band. And we will tour the countryside and you won't be invited.

As you can see this is no easy feat...confusion ensues...what do i wear? what do i say? should i be drunk and easy going? or will that lead to me saying the wrong thing or vomiting on her shoes?

For female readers here is an insight into a typical male conversation:



As you can see there isn't any enlightenment there. However if you go straight to the horses mouth (so to speak), Women themselves can't answer this question. As said in the great film 'Hitch'; "Women get in their own way of happyness".

In conclusion, there is no answer. Not even women themselves know what they want, therefore, this is an impossible notion to expect a man to understand or even guess what women want. The only thing i can think that comes close to answering this question is: Not me!

TO

Adams Corner #1 - 2009 and Friendships

Written by Adam Cummins

(the content of which represents the view of the author and TO accepts no responsibility for what is published.)

2009, the year of the Ox has been a memorable year for myself. It’s been a new and challenging experience, new job, new marital status for the first time in...Well I didn’t have a beard back then I know that.

It has been the most enjoyable few months I’ve had in a long time, I have found a new sense of freedom and maturity (and a little more immaturity) through work and being able to spend more time with TO, 'Bear' and 'Nightwear'. I have met many new faces, some good, some bad and some very ugly. I have learned many things about myself through change, something I’m not a big fan of. I have learned to not hold grudges, don’t let anything hold you back or get in your way and too enjoy everyday (and night) as they come, because life is really boring without a hangover. The one thing that I have learned above everything else is the value of friendship, Bro’s certainly come before Ho’s! I have realised no matter how fun girlfriends etc can be, one can never have as much fun as one can with ones closest chums; take our videos for example. At the time when we have been the loneliest of all we have also become the happiest. (Editor - I agree!)

“The better part of one's life consists of his friendships."
Abraham Lincoln

That’s enough cheese for one year I think, from next week I will be back to my old self. I won’t be serious, I will talk even more pointless tripe that sounds good in my head and I will be ripping in to my friends.

Adios mis amigos

Adam

**********

Predator League - 02/04/09

Locomotive Dick - 0points
Bearcelona - 0points
TO Roar - 0points
Nightwear Fire - 0points

Spring BBQ at TO's

Global warming, while being a terrible curse on this globalised world, also has a silver lining. A nice sunny day in early spring. Shorts on. Sunglasses on. Windows down. BBQ Time.

However, BBQ's tend to be a little difficult without a BBQ and without any gas. Never fear for this is only a minor setback to such an intelligent group of males. We banged the grill on and got on with enjoying the sun, music and jokes from the night before (see earlier posts!)

'Dick' dove into the role of head chef, i assumed the position of sous chef while 'Bear' rendered himself useless almost immediately. Later 'Sherman' joined us with a crate of beer and a bottle of JD (after last nights antics this made me turn the same colour as the 99 ice cream's that somehow made it to the party!)










TO

"Here We Go Again On Our Own!"

This morning my merry men and I embarked our our weekly journey that puts amateurs across the country to shame. We are D&C Athletic FC. We are titans (not) of the East Cheshire Sunday Football League. However, its difficult to play when the star defenders, goalkeeper and strikers are lost....:



TO

Supermarket Sweep

Even the seemingly peaceful Albert Einstein once said “I am not only a pacifist but a militant pacifist. I am willing to fight for peace. Nothing will end war unless the people themselves refuse to go to war.” I had to keep this is mind last weekend when doing my weekly shop, an activity which strikes fear to the heart with the sad realisation that the fridge is in fact empty. That is the exact moment i know that it will be a bad day...

...issues with Supermarkets:

• Why do you always realise you need to go on a Saturday?! The busiest day of the week and the one day when you really do have something better to do.
  
• Why do you only ever see people you don't wish to talk to?! This is probably the most traumatic experience in nearly all life. You see the person down the aisle and desperately search for a way to avoid contact, contemplating joining the frozen peas if only you don't have to speak to that high school teacher that you always hated. You know they feel the same and you also know how you feel about them. Yet this only seems to encourage them as they plaster that crooked smile, knowingly torturing you with every question, probing into your current life, a place they don't deserve to be.
• Why is EVERYONE in the way?! This is something i always forget until i arrive at the unholy place itself. Upon entry i look around and i am totally dumbstruck by the amount of stressful middle aged women with 1-4 children in tow (equally annoying), a record only ever equaled by my old high school parents evening. This may seem harmless enough, until you realise that every one of these people has a genetic code built inside which means THEY will be the ones to get to that last chicken fillet, not you. Ironic that these adults try to raise their children with manners and as upstanding members of society, but in Supermarkets these go out the window...like in prison...i think.

Am i the only person who sees parents in Tesco like New York taxi drivers!? I can imagine Mrs. Smith psyching herself up before the journey, looking in the hallway mirror....

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talking... you talking to me? Well I'm the only one here. Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? Oh yeah? OK."

...then climbing into her Volvo V70 telling little James to stop chewing gum....

TO